Out Of The Dark
by Rogue-N7
Summary: After playing ME3 I was inspired to write what I wish would have happened. This is my interpretation of what could have been. Semi-canon, but with some adjustments. Focusing on the dynamic of Shepard's relationship with Tali and the aftermath of the war.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Don't get me wrong, I didn't HATE the not totally happy ending of ME3. What I hated was the BW totally let down the community. They promised variables, branching endings, and a depth that would be maintained throughout the conclusion. They didn't deliver. No matter what choices were made you were still left with the same ending available to you. It sucked, it was lazy. So with that in mind this is my interpretation of what should have been my Shepard's ending.**

**Also… I don't own Mass Effect.**

Darkness. Again it had come to this. He had faced down the impossible, and he had won, and so he was greeted by that familiar oblivion that had taken him from all he loved before. But this time it was different. He had no real regrets, just wishes for more time. Part of him wanted this, to finally rest and he hated himself for it. His family, the ones he loved were out there without him again. Promises would go unfulfilled, and the people who mattered were lost to him once again. These are the last coherent thoughts of a great man as he fades away into the dark.

Somehow she knew. A hundred light years away, she still knew. He had made that final sacrifice for her, for everyone. She sat alone on the couch in the observation lounge. As beautiful as it was it seemed so dull now, knowing he was really gone this time. Tears began to stream down her cheeks. She knew he wouldn't want her to cry, but the tears refused to stop. All the losses in her life, her home, her name, and even her father hadn't prepared her for this.

For the first time in her life she had truly had happiness. She had someone to love, who loved her back. They had planned for their future together, promised to always be there for each other. Now he was gone. A quiet sob shook her small frame as she tried to remember him as he was just a few days earlier. Smiling, sleeping so calmly in her arms. Yes, it had been worth it. The hurt was worth it… he was worth it.

"Tali" a familiar voice spoke. "I- I'm so sorry." She turned to see Garrus standing over her, placing his hand on her shoulder. She stuttered what small reply would come. "Why Garrus?" more tears began to flow. Garrus struggled to find words to comfort her, she had grown to be like a sister to him. Shifting uncomfortably on his feet he answered. "Tali he knew that it might end this way. He had no regrets" speaking as he sat down beside her. "And he loved you. Spirits know he did." "I know… I just wish we'd had more time." Then the tears overtook her. So Garrus sat in silence, trying to stem the flood of tears that threatened to join Tali's. His thoughts came back to one place: He really is gone this time isn't he…

So much pain… wait… pain? Yes, it was pain. Somewhere under the rubble of the citadel a charred breastplate moved, a sharp breath drawn in and then, light. John Shepard took another deep breath, more pain. Glorious pain! He opened his eyes, to be greeted by the flickering lights of ruined control panels. He was alive. He could scarcely believe it. He had gone into the beam knowing full well he wouldn't be returning. He would make any sacrifice, though not for the trillions of lives at stake. He had done it for just one life, one soul among the masses pleading to be saved. He did it for her, the woman he had promised everything to. Somehow whatever God was out there had given him yet another chance, and he wouldn't waste it. Not again.

Tali had made it a point not to waste time. She needed to focus on something, anything but him. Otherwise the loss would be too much to bear. She had found the holodisc. She hadn't had the courage to play it yet. She knew what it was for. It was his message for her if he didn't return. If she played it she would me admitting he was gone forever, and that was something she couldn't do. He had promised her he would come back. He had promised her a life together, a home. She refused to believe that had been taken from her.

As she sat on their bed in the cabin, she glanced around the room to find so much of him remained. His model ships, the medals he had received, wine glasses still on the table from their "date" earlier in the week. She held in her hand the only image of them together. A photo taken from John's omni-tool, she remembered how excited she had been to have a real photo of them together. How was she supposed to accept he was gone now? "Damn it! Why?" she yelled as she flung the frame across the room. The polymer screen shattering as it hit the wall.

Rubble shifted as the injured N7 marine dragged himself from the pile. His armor a molten slag, skin burned, eyes black, and his skin a ghostly white. He should have been dead a hundred times with injuries like this. But that wouldn't stop him. Nothing would stop him. His pain was now his fuel, with every grueling step reminding him he is alive, his legs threatening to give out from injury and blood loss. His voice cracked as a single tear flowed down his cheek, the salt stinging his wounds. "I'm coming…"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm not sure how many chapters I will need to complete this story, but I plan on adding a few new adventures for the crew, and **_**maybe**_** that happy ending. Reviews help, however I won't read flames, so don't bother posting them. Anyway, enjoy chapter 2.**

**I DO NOT OWN MASS EFFECT.**

Garrus Vakarian looked out the cockpit windows of the Normandy at the ruins of the citadel. As Shepard's number two command of the Normandy had fallen to him. After seeing the citadel explode into pieces he knew that no one could have survived that, not even Shepard. It had been five days since they were assigned by Admiral Hackett to assist with search and rescue operations in the area. The results were grim and dismal. For every one soldier they managed to rescue the found a hundred more dead. It was soul sucking work, but it needed to be done. Those who survived this war deserved to have a future…and so did those who hadn't.

In the captain's cabin a console beeped just loud enough to wake the sleeping Quarian. Again the private terminal sounded a chime. Tali rose from the bed and made the short walk to the office area of the cabin. The private terminal they had shared was indeed lit. She sat at the console and began the process of logging in. After a wait that seemed like an eternity the message appeared:_ beacon activated coordinates received_. The console displayed a map of the citadel remains. There at the tip of the presidium tower…a tiny blip.

After a long and arduous journey he could go no farther. Shepard's legs finally gave out and he sunk to the floor of the council chamber. Looking up through the windows at the stars he hoped that she was out there somewhere. He hoped she was listening… His vision was swimming from blood loss, and his mind threatened to black out, but still he forced himself to remain awake. He had to stay alive, for her. As he sat there he reflected on all the people who mattered to him, much as he had before he triggered the catalyst. He owed it to them to keep breathing. Just a little longer…

It was the middle of the night when the doors to the CIC burst open. "Garrus!" Tali sprinted into the room shouting. "We have to go back! He's still out there!" Jerking awake Garrus, found himself being shaken violently by the small Quarian. "What? Tali what?" The sleep deprived Turian sputtered. "Garrus he's alive! He's still out there and we have to go get him!" His heart sunk. He knew it would come to this sooner or later, but now here it was staring him in the face. She couldn't accept Shepard was truly gone, and now it was up to him to make her see it.

"Tali… Shepard is dead. He's not coming back this time…" He looked down at the floor only to feel a sharp pain as a small hand made contact with his face. "Garrus his beacon was just activated! He IS alive! And he needs us!" He watched as Tali brought her omni-tool up to show presidium tower and the faint blip emanating from the top-most chamber. "Sprits… he…is he really out there?" She shot him and incredulous look and ran towards the bridge.

Several hours later the relative silence of the cockpit was broken. "Coming into visual range now Tali." "Thank you Joker." Tali replied as Joker brought the Normandy to bear over the presidium tower. "Optimum shuttle arrival time is estimated to be about fifteen minutes." EDI stated matter of factly. "Thank you EDI, we'll be heading to the shuttle bay immediately." Tali replied as she walked away. _I won't leave you to die alone John._

John Shepard savoir of the galaxy sat alone in the cold chamber. His pain had numbed in the hours since he had found himself unable to go any further, a bad sign. He imagined it wouldn't be long now. He would die without seeing her again, alone in this God forsaken place. Alone, drifting through the cold dark of space to be forgotten by the galaxy he had given all to save. Maybe she hadn't received his call… his armor power reserves had long since died. He had used the last of it to send out the signal. He had run out of medigel three days ago. It seems fate was cruel after all.

Tali had remained quiet on the shuttle ride to the tower. She knew it was a long shot, she didn't need to be told that there was a very good chance she wouldn't like what they were about to find. But she had to know. She had to know that he was really gone, that he wasn't coming back. The shuttle jarred from landing and the door opened to the ruins of the presidium. To see the ruins so close only made it worse. No one could survive something like this… Not even John.

After what seemed like an eternity Garrus spoke. "Tali, we should get moving…" He started towards presidium tower knowing what he would find at the top. They reached the door and opened it to find more destruction and death, expressions of horror and pain frozen on the many faces of those who hadn't survived the attack. And… a trail… a trail of blood. They continued down the corridor to the elevator doors and called the elevator that would take them to their final destination.

The doors opened and they stepped quietly inside, neither having said a word since starting off for the tower. Tali was the first to break the silence. "John always hated this elevator…" she said smiling just a bit. "To say we had some awkward conversations in here would definitely be an understatement." Garrus replied with a slight smirk. "Shepard always thought these things were too damn slow." He chuckled. Then as much as they wished otherwise the elevator stopped and the door slid open revealing a thick blood trail that snaked off into the council chamber.

"Keelah…" Tali's voice wavered involuntarily, "please just let him be alive… please." They clicked on their flashlights to compensate for the ever dimming flicker of lights around the room. Proceeding up the stairs following the blood trail, passing by more of the unfortunate souls lost in the battle. As they crested the last set of stairs, they could never have prepared themselves for the site that was waiting for them.

Sitting in the middle of the council chamber, slumped against a railing sat a broken heap of a man. A pool of dark red blood surrounding him, reflecting the stars above. _Oh Keelah no….NO NO NO NO!_ Tali couldn't help but feel her heart sink. The man's face was tipped down towards the floor, but she knew. She knew it was Shepard.

Garrus couldn't believe his eyes. He wished they'd never received that signal. Shepard had crawled for 5 days bleeding, wounded, suffering to this spot where he'd used the last of his reserves to send out the signal, and all for nothing. He had suffered and died only for them to arrive too late to save him, it was Omega all over again. Garrus walked towards Tali. He couldn't see her tears but her small frame shook with sobs. He wished she didn't have to see this. Her love, and his best friend, the man who had always been so strong now sat a broken corpse.

Tali wished she could stop herself, but her legs moved of their own accord. One step after another she drew closer to the wrecked form of the man. Slowly a burned N7 insignia became visible and she could contain it no longer. She cried. She couldn't stop herself anymore, and the tears came like a flood. Wracked by sobs and broken breaths. She said nothing, there were no words for this. She was too late. He had died alone waiting for her to save him, for once he needed her to save him and she had failed. She had failed the only one who truly mattered to her anymore, just like she had failed her father.

Then it happened, a raspy breath from the ruin that was Shepard, followed by another. "Keelah John!" Tali screamed and sprinted to his side. Kneeling beside him in the large pool of blood she put her arms around him and tried to lift his eyes to her. A rattling cough shook his frame like he could fall apart at any second. "John please hang on!" she shook him gently "John please say something! Say anything!" After what seemed like hours his eyes opened. He looked up at her with dead eyes, like she wasn't really there at all.

"Tali…" another cough, but worse this time, "Tali I love you. I'm so sorry Tali. I don't…" He inhaled sharply, grimacing with pain. "I don't think I can…" "STOP IT!" she cut him off. "You will make it John! You have to hold on." He looked at her, his vision growing dark once more. Inside he prayed it wouldn't be for the last time. "Tali I…" "NO John. You WILL NOT DIE HERE!" She yelled trying to keep him awake. His eyes started to close, _NO _she _would not_ allow him to die here, not after all they ahd been through. He had made her a promise and by Keelah he was going to keep it!

"Joker, this is Garrus, we need a medical team ready and waiting we're bringing the commander home. He doesn't have much time!" Garrus was already moving to inject the commander with medigel, in hopes of keeping him going long enough to reach Normandy. "We hear you Garrus we'll be ready, just get him back here alive! Joker out." With the comms cut he moved towards Tali. "Tali he needs medigel now! We need to get him moving!" Tali grabbed the vials and hastily injected them into Shepard's exposed forearm. "Hang on John we have you!"

Shepard could barely process what was happening to him. Blood loss he supposed, he could almost see Tali. He could almost hear her. Was she real? Or was this the "light at the end of the tunnel"? He didn't know. He felt something wrap around him, pain in his arm, then warmth spreading from his arm across his chest. Is this what death feels like? He had often wondered. Of course the last time he had died was much more painful. Burning alive upon entering a planet's atmosphere, smelling burnt flesh… his flesh, crawling towards the Normandy, unable to breathe. It was beyond a horrible way to die. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

He could see blurry shapes of purple and blue. He felt like he was being lifted off the ground, his head swimming, dizzy. He could hear muffled sounds, like someone trying to yell underwater. He took solace knowing he had accomplished his mission, and now if nothing else he supposed he could finally rest. And so with those last thoughts Shepard's consciousness faded to black.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This is the last chapter I have pre-written. The rest will now be published as they are completed. I'm hoping to update weekly, but my schedule will determine how accurate that prediction becomes. The story over the coming chapters will focus on Shepard's recovery, the solidifying of his relationship with Tali'Zorah, and the aftermath of the galactic war. Enjoy.**

**I DO NOT OWN MASS EFFECT.**

Lungs burning. Garrus had never run so fast in his life, nevermind carrying a 100 kilo human on his back. He would not fail his friend. They had been through hell together. No, they had gone into hell and killed the devil himself. He would not return alone. Shepard had to live. Tali had rushed ahead to start the shuttle, but it wouldn't matter if this damned elevator took it's time getting down. "Damn it! Can't this thing go any faster!" Garrus screamed to the empty elevator, while punching the console in a futile attempt to make it obey. More precious seconds passed and finally they elevator came to a halt and the doors were opened. He was off like a rocket, only 20 meters to the shuttle.

Tali could see the elevator doors open and an unconscious Shepard slung over the large Turian's shoulders. He was straining to carry him, but didn't falter. Adrenaline spurred him on. He reached the shuttle and leapt on board. "GO TALI GO!" Garrus yelled, his voice rasping, mouth dry from the sprint down from the tower. On cue the shuttle shot away from the presidium and towards the safety of the Normandy, where the fate of Commander John Shepard would be decided.

Weeks had passed. It was just past 0300 on the Normandy, and finally he stirred. Shepard opened his eyes and groaned. It was dark, or at least too dark to tell where he was. He tried to sit up and was greeted by more pain…did that mean… It had to be. He was alive, or at least he hoped to God he was. He had thought he was gone. For five days he had struggled on in the Citadel, waiting, hoping for help. Triggering the beacon, only to use the last of his suits onboard power was a last hope for him.

The days of waiting that had followed had broken his spirit. It had been worse than Akuze. In the end he had welcomed the darkness when it finally came for him. He had been tired, just so damn tired, tired of living for everyone else. Tired of having to give up the things he loved most for people he didn't even know. Tired of life, of struggling and suffering and fighting. He had just wanted to rest. He took a deep breath and exhaled. "Still too damn tired" he said to no one in particular. His voice raspy and broken, struggling to be heard.

Slowly his vision was granted a little clarity. He could tell he was in some sort of medical wing. Monitors on the wall displayed his vital signs, confirming he was indeed alive, despite wishing otherwise. He held his hands up in front of him, they were as he remembered, severely burnt, broken, and bloody. Though now he could add bandaged to the list of adjectives. He needed to find out where he was. How long had he been here? Did Tali know he was alive? What happened to the Normandy? So many questions raced through his mind.

It took a good portion of his strength to sit up, and even more to stand. After removing the monitor patches he shakily mad his way to the door, which upon opening revealed the mess area of the crew deck. He was home. He couldn't believe his eyes, but they told him he was home. No one was present in the galley, and upon seeing the clock realized it was still grave shift. The ship was likely on autopilot, and only a skeleton crew remained at their posts. He knew where he had to go.

He limped to the elevator, breathing hard from the effort. He could feel what little strength he had threatening to send him back to the floor, but he pressed on. Upon reaching the elevator he stepped inside and pressed the key labeled deck 1. Waiting for the lift to reach its destination was maddening. He leaned heavily on the wall for support cursing the damn engineers who designed the thing. Then the elevator stopped and opened to the atrium to the captain's cabin. He stood outside the door for what seemed like hours before finally opening the door that separated him from his life, from the one person that had made his every sacrifice, his every drop of blood worth the price. He would die for her a thousand times.

He limped forward into the room, where the dull blue of the aquarium illuminated the sleeping form in his bed. The Quarian curled up on the bed holding a broken photo to her chest. The luminous orbs of her eyes were absent in from the visors glass. He sat at the side of the bed for a while watching the gentle rise and fall of her chest. The soft whirring of her helmet's filters proved to be the most comforting sound he could recall in recent memory. A tear fled his eye and down his cheek, stinging as it went.

He loved her. He truly hoped she knew it. His entire universe was here in this one person whom he loved more than life itself. He felt his eyes getting heavy once more, and so he moved to lay beside her. Aligning his body with the curve of her back and letting an arm fall around her, holding her close. She stirred only long enough to shift closer to him in her dreams. Shepard could feel his eyes closing, and truly for the first time he didn't fight it. He was at peace.

In the morning, Tali began to awake from her sleep. She felt at ease for some reason, even though in her head she knew the person that mattered most to her was fighting for his life just 2 decks below. But then she felt it. The weight on her hip, the soft movement of breathing behind her, and a slight rasp with every inhalation. Slowly she turned to see a bandaged hand resting on her hips. Her heart was beating faster now. She slowly rolled over only to find herself face to face with a sleeping John Shepard.

She didn't know whether to be angry or happy. He had risked further injury to make his way to her, and yet she was so glad to see him there in their cabin in bed. Where he should be, with her at his side, breathing and alive. Not alone in some cold chamber drifting through space waiting for the end. He pulled her closer, and she obliged the sleeping marine. He had earned the rest. Keelah he had earned everything. She stopped to really look at his face. _Keelah _ how bad he looked… His eyes both blackened, various wounds sealed by medigel. His hands looked as if he had been thrown into a fire and left to crawl his way out. His forearms covered in bandages. His legs battered, one in a brace. She couldn't bear to think of how much it must have hurt him.

It was then she resolved that she would protect him from now on. If he wasn't strong enough then she would help carry him. They would have their home together. They would have a future, and no one would ever take that from them again.

A few hours later Shepard awoke to find his Quarian still in his arms. But this time she was facing him, and her eyes were staring into his. "Tali" He rasped "I... I love you. I need you to know." She stared back at him answering almost immediately. "I know you do you. You should still be in the medbay you bosh'tet… but I'm glad you're here." He looked at her as if seeing her for the first time, his hands reaching for her mask. A faint hiss, and then as he looked upon her face he truly looked at peace.

"Tali'Zorah vas Normandy jar Rannoch" he said looking directly into her eyes. "I love you, and I need you. More than the air I breathe, more than the blood in my veins. I promise never to leave you again, I promise to stand by your side until the last life leaves my body." A cough shook his frame, the next part coming out in a shaky almost-whisper of a voice. "I… I don't know how exactly to say… this." She looked into his eyes and could see his uncertainty. "Just try John, whatever it is I'm not going anywhere." A smile gracing her face for time in weeks. "Tali'Zorah vas Normandy jar Rannoch, I would be your bondmate… I would share my life, and all that I am with you, I am yours… If you'll have me."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/NI apologize for the short length of this chapter. It just seemed to stand on its own too well to mash it in with the next update. As always reviews are appreciated, and thank you to those who have subscribed or "faved" my story. To those who have posted constructive reviews I thank you. To those who would say "you don't get the ending in the game." I do. I don't care about how you want to justify it. The fact remains it was a lazy way to close out one of gaming's greatest series. That said, read and enjoy, good things are around the bend.**

**I DO NOT OWN MASS EFFECT.**

For as long as Tali had known John she had fantasized about this moment. About the moment he would offer to become her bondmate, the moment he would truly be hers. She knew he loved her, but she never really believed the day would come when he would ask for bonding. She was speechless to say the least. The subject had been… touched on, during some of their more intimate moments and conversations. More recently when Tali had been more than a little intoxicated in the Normandy's lounge, the conversation had turned to her _Human boyfriend_. _Keelah_ my father would really hate him now!

John Shepard wasn't quite sure what to think of the situation he now found himself in. He had offered her everything he had and she remained silent. He hoped not for the reasons he was now beginning to suspect. Did something change while he was lost? Was there someone else? Had she decided that her people needed her more than he did? What about all those promises they had made? All of these questions rushed through the mind of the N7 Marine at lightning speed, not giving him a chance to formulate any answers for himself.

"John… I… Of course I will share the bond with you!" She finally spoke almost squealing. "I don't know quite what to say… I have dreamed of this moment for so long, and now that it's finally here I don't know what to do." He grasped her hand and brought it to his lips and kissed it. "Now I know you really love me…" A chuckle in his voice, "because right now it can't be because of my dashing good looks." A smile split his bruised face, only to be met by a swift punch to the shoulder. "Ahh! God Tali! It was a joke!"

Garrus had been rather upset when he walked into the medbay only to find Shepard missing and the staff asleep at the desk. After imbuing them with what he hoped would be a little Turian discipline, he'd had EDI locate the commander for him. "Commander Shepard is currently on Deck 1." She almost chimed at him. "Do you wish me to call him?" "No, let him be" he replied with what could pass for a grin on his face. "He knows what he needs." His mandibles flared in an honest smile and he strode off towards the CIC.

Shepard had soon drifted off to sleep after Tali had pulled him into an embrace. For a long while they had just laid there looking into each other's eyes. He looked so peaceful, more than she could ever remember him being. Well... except maybe after some of their moreintimate "discussions". He laughed quietly to herself as she remembered the times the unstoppable Commander Shepard turned to jelly in her arms and then falling into a deep and snore filled sleep.

A blush fought its way to her cheeks, and she was at once thankful that he was still asleep. She decided to let him sleep, but she had duties to attend to. Silently she slipped out of bed and placed her helmet view plate firmly in place. She took one more look at her newly betrothed bond-mate and smiled before heading to the lift.

She pressed the button for deck 3. She was rather hungry, as her growling stomach reminded her. Stepping off of the lift humming to herself she walked to the galley and retrieved a tube of number seven nutrient paste and inserted it into the port on her helmet before going back to the lift and heading down to engineering.

As she stepped into the engine room she was greeted as usual by Adams. She nodded and waved briefly before pointing to the tube protruding from her helmet. She then took up her place at her usual work station. Eating and humming to herself, with only an occasional bounce in place. "OUCH" was the word she found herself making through a mouthful of paste as something hard made contact with the back of her helmet.

Upon turning around she was greeted by the sight of a very smug looking Turian. "I should have known you wouldn't wait." Garrus Vakarian eyed his target, doing his best to appear upset and stern. "You just couldn't wait until he was more recovered could you." "And what business is it of _yours_!" She growled, her eyes narrowing. "Last I checked I didn't need your approval to see my… um." Her voice grew quiet, her fingers found themselves again locked in a nervous dance.

"Last I checked until Shepard is back on his feet I run this ship." He gave her a scrutinizing look, hands meeting behind his back. Oh he was enjoying this, teasing Tali about her relationship with Shepard never ceased to me amusing. But wait, see her what? Her voice had dropped… "See your what Tali?" He pressed the question, trying his best to keep up the act. "See my um…my…" She mumbled something he couldn't understand. "You'll have to speak up Ms. Zorah." He leaned forward, waiting for her answer. Then he hit pay dirt. "My… um… bond-mate…"

Why Tali had been so nervous about admitting it she would never know, but there it was, out in the open. "It's about damn time." The Turian's visage cracked into a smile. "I'll never know what you see in him, especially now with his good looks long gone." He said with a chuckle as he turned to leave. "Hey! You… you bosh'tet! His looks are just fine!" Her eyes once again narrowing towards Garrus behind the polarized glass. "Congratulations Tali. I mean it, you two are like family to me, and you both deserve to be happy." He smiled down at the Quarian. "I'll stop by your cabin later, I'd like to see him too if you don't mind."

"I think he would like that very much Garrus." She saw him start to walk away and added "and Garrus, thank you. It really means a lot." "You two were meant to be, after 4 years and everything we've been through you two deserve all the happiness in the galaxy." He turned and passed through the door towards the lift, shouting back. "I'll be by around 1900."

As Garrus made his way onto the lift he smiled, honest to God smiled. They were his family now, maybe even more-so than his own had ever been. They were bound by something more powerful than blood. They had never let him down, or looked down on him, and Spirits be damned before he'd let anything else come between them.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Again I have to thank you all for reading. It is what helps keep writing this enjoyable. I'm finding it fun to sit and think about the dynamics of relationships between the characters, really trying to see what makes them all tick. Another thing I'm trying to do is to establish the background of Shepard through the story, rather than the traditional method of putting it out there right at the beginning, and I think I like how it is turning out. I'm already hard at work on the next chapter, and am excited about the places we're heading. Again thank you for reading, subscribing, and faving. It's great motivation. Constructive reviews are much appreciated, and as always enjoy.**

**I DO NOT OWN MASS EFFECT.**

Shepard woke to find himself alone in the bed, he laid there awhile listening to the gentle hum of the ship's engines and the quiet gurgle of the aquarium. Rolling onto his back he found himself staring up through the skylight at the stars. He wondered how many of them were looking back at him. How many had been spared? Their losses had been catastrophic, but yet they had all stood by him, right up until the end. How many soldiers hadn't returned home to their loved ones… a pang of guilt made itself known.

He knew that soldiers would die. It was their job to lay their lives on the line for others, to fight for the many. But it was all so impersonal. How many soldiers would go forever unknown? How many would fade away without anyone to remember them? The thought made him sick, it made him feel all the worse for surviving what so many didn't.

Then his thoughts found their way to her. To the one he did it all for. Since they had met those four lucky years ago in that Citadel back-alley she had captivated him. She was independent, strong, smart beyond belief. She was shy and even koi at times, it drove him crazy. Suddenly he didn't feel so guilty. He felt happy, maybe even a little selfish. But didn't he of all people deserve to be selfish for once? Of course he did.

He remembered the first time they touched hands. It had been awkward to say the least. Their hands had touched over an elevator console. He had known then that he had to have her. She was the perfect match for him. But it all seemed so far out of reach, right up until they had been reunited on Freedom's Progress. Sure there had been many hints between the two on the SR1, but neither one had made the move. When he saw her there after he had come back he knew he they would be together.

Just as much then as now she was the only woman in the entire galaxy that could leave him fumbling for words, the only woman who could make the stoic Commander Shepard flinch. A genuine smile came to the Commander's face… and he resolved to be selfish.

Tali had been floating on air since Shepard had turned up in their bed that morning, granted it was just past 1400 hours but it seemed like nothing would dampen her spirits, not today. She had been given everything back. Her life was again in order. The man she loved was alive and recovering, she would be bonded to him and they would have a home. Nothing could have made the Quarian happier.

She had to admit for all the time she had spent fantasizing about bonding with John she knew nothing of Human mating customs except for the more…. biological aspects. She felt almost ashamed to be so well practiced in the "mechanical" aspects of their relationship but she knew almost nothing of Human bonding. Perhaps a break and an extranet search were in order.

Tali had managed to convince herself it was time for a break. She had already recalibrated the engine couplings 3 times, and eliminated the feedback loop in the core channels hours ago. To be quite honest there was no more work for her to do, at least not until they managed to break something else.

Looking around the engine room and finding the others busy at their own stations she quietly logged out and made a beeline for the door. "Sneakin' off eh lassie?" _Damn it!_ She was caught. She looked over to see Kenneth grinning at her with a raised brow. "I uh, I was hungry and everything is running smoothly. I-I didn't see any reason to to the same calibrations a fourth time." It took every fiber and nerve she could muster not to wring her hands or stammer any worse than she had.

The Scotsman just grinned some more. "Aye lass, it's well enough. We know where your mind's at anyway. OOF!" The grin on his face was replaced by a grimace caused by the elbow Gabby had firmly lodged in his stomach. "You'll leave her alone if you know what's good for you _laddie_." It seemed the man was at a loss for words, or at the very least incapable of speaking at the moment. _Serves him right_.

She made her way to the crew deck after an agonizing elevator ride, where she quickly grabbed a few assorted food tubes from the galley. After securing her lunch she then proceeded to the observation lounge. "Just one drink would be ok..." She said under her breath. _Keelah knows I need all the help I can get._

Tali proceeded to the bar where she poured herself a rather generous portion of triple filtered Turian brandy, and then made her way to the couch with her cargo. Inserting the first food tube into the induction port of her helmet she brought her omni-tool to life and made the extranet connection. "Where to start…" She was hesitant to begin her search, not knowing what she would find was a bit unnerving. What if she had already broke some unspoken rule?

She typed the words: Human Courtship Customs into the search engine and was greeted with plenty of results. Clicking the first link she proceeded to read about Human customs, and was baffled to find there were so many acceptable ways for Humans to bond with one another. There were apparently several universal customs like meeting the family of the partner, the "engagement", and then the "wedding".

She had never heard of a "wedding" but it appeared to be something similar to bonding, if a little less formal. Looking at the list she realized she had never thought to ask John about his family. She knew he grew up on earth, but had never really enquired about his family. Perhaps she didn't know him as well as she thought. Certainly the greatest man in the galaxy would have to have a wonderful family.

Garrus Vakarian had found himself with a lot to be thankful for. In recent days he had gotten his best friend, no, his brother back. He had woke up and realized that it really was all over. No more Reapers, no more apocalypses looming on the horizon. No more wars for him to fight, no more need for Archangels. He could finally breathe.

He felt like a new Turian. Like the burden of a thousand tons had suddenly been lifted off of his shoulders. They had fought, bled and sacrificed; but they had won. Palaven was safe, Earth was safe, the galaxy was safe and he had been one of its saviors. He suddenly realized he had no idea how to be a civilian, no idea what a "normal" life is.

What would he do now? He couldn't settle back into a normal job, and he had no interest in going back into police work. He took a long draw from his glass and let the liquid warm his throat on its way down. What would become of his family? Would Shepard just retire and take Tali to some remote corner of the galaxy to live out the rest of his days in a rocking chair?

There were so many unanswered questions rattling around in his skull. He had gotten so used to the stress of impending doom that now that it was gone, he didn't quite know what to think. "I guess maybe a vacation wouldn't be so bad…" He said aloud to no one in particular.

Quietly he took another sip of his brandy, his thoughts swirling much like the potent drink in his hand. He supposed that now there really was time for things like relaxing, maybe a vacation. There would be time for life, for love. Love, now there was a subject he was not well practiced in. He had had a brief relationship with Dr. Michelle but he wasn't sure where to go from here. Their time together had been rather brief due to the pressing concerns of war.

Should he just call her? Was it that simple? No, he would have to do better than that. He made a mental note to ask Shepard for some advice when he visited tonight. But the important thing was he knew there would be time. Time was turning out to be funny; they had never seemed to have enough until now. Now they had so much that no one had figured out what to do with it.

He finished the last of his brandy, already feeling the effects of the potent drink. Then doing his best not to wobble he made his way over to the familiar console. Still, some hours remained until his 1900 hours visit with Shepard, and there was always time for more calibrations.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Welcome back everyone. Thanks for sticking with me as I struggle through the bits of fluff. I know things moved a little slow last chapter, and I do apologize. I am trying to get some of the everyday happenings without boring everyone to tears. In this chapter the plot will start moving along. I'll still be focusing on interpersonal relationships, but advancing the plot towards the team's first goal. The galaxy's favorite Quarian will again find use for her "emergency induction port". Again thank you for the continued support, and above all: enjoy.**

**I DO NOT OWN MASS EFFECT**

Rising from bed with a groan Shepard decided it was time to leave the safety of his cabin. Not that he wanted to, but he needed to do something, anything; or he was going to go crazy. He gave his "good" arm a stretch before straightening his leg brace and making for the head. Stepping inside, he looked into the mirror. The man staring back at him looked terrible to say the least.

He didn't feel nearly as bad as he looked. But then again, he looked horrible. He set to gingerly washing his face, careful not to inflict too much pain on himself. Even after freshening up he didn't look much better. Still it couldn't be avoided; he had a ship to run.

Making his way into the lift he pressed the key for the crew deck. First on the agenda was to relieve Garrus of command and get briefed on their current position, status and objectives. Then to the war room to arrange correspondence with Admiral Hackett, he needed to know where they were headed.

The lift doors opened and he limped his way onto the deck. There were a few crew members seated at the table and in the chow line. As he limped though the deck he found all eyes on him. Crew members began to stand a mixture of applause, cheers and salutes filled the room. He didn't know what to say. He had done many things over his career but he had never received thanks like this.

He fought the tear threatening to come to his eye, and stood as straight as his injuries would allow and saluted all of them. He couldn't find words besides an out spoken "thank you all. Thank you, but I'm no hero." He then turned and made a break for Fire Control. He hoped Garrus would be there doing more of his "calibrations". He needed someone to ground him in reality.

Tali had still been in the observation lounge when she heard the commotion out in the mess hall. She would have investigated it further, but her current state of inebriation kept her planted firmly on the sofa. Leaning back into the comforting leather she once again resumed pondering the future. Where would they build their home? Would John even _want_ to settle down?

All the time they had spent apart after his trial she had wanted nothing more than to be with him. Now the same wants almost frightened her. There was just so much uncertainty, so much they hadn't talked about. _Keelah this is too much._ "Maybe just one more drink…"

The doors to Fire Control opened causing the Turian occupant to spin on his heels. He was pleasantly surprised to see Shepard standing there. He looked like hell but still, he was standing there alive. That was better than they could have ever hoped just a few weeks ago.

"Garrus, good to see you." The Human said with a nod. "Shepard, I knew we couldn't keep you down for long. It was nice of you to at least try to wash the ugly off." Garrus answered with a smirk. "I assume you're here to resume command?" Shepard closed the distance between them before answering. "Yeah, well I didn't want to take over your place as crew eyesore." He laughed before clutching his ribs involuntarily. "I figured it's time we got back to work." "I see, well let me give you report then." Garrus turned and walked to his terminal, opening up mission relevant briefs.

"As you already know when you destroyed the controls in the Citadel the reapers died. No one really knows how, but they just shut down." Garrus glanced at Shepard to see him listening intently. "We currently have salvage teams working around the clock to try and get any useful tech we can. With the mass relays still only partially functioning getting them back online is top priority."

"So if the mass relays are top priority why were we in the debris field of the Citadel?" Shepard looked nonplussed. "Why aren't we back with the fleet?" Garrus turned to Shepard and placed a hand on his shoulder. "We've been out here on recovery duty, looking for survivors from the Citadel, that's why we were able to receive your signal and pick you up." He tried his best to smile, but he knew those were painful days for Shepard, waiting alone in the dark would have broken anyone else.

"We haven't found anything though, no survivors… except you. We are currently en-route to the nearest mass relay. We'll arrive in about 14 hours." Garrus turned back to the terminal and brought up the last mission file, Shepard leaned in to examine it. "So what's the plan then?" Garrus pointed a finger at a section of the screen in response. "We'll be heading out to the Attican Traverse to mop up a couple isolated Cerberus Installations. They didn't take too kindly to losing."

"Well then if that's everything, thank you Garrus, for everything." Shepard cracked a smile at his friend. "Someone has to be there to pull your ass out of the fire, and Tali can't lift you…" Garrus laughed, his mandibles clicking. "EDI, please take note." "Yes Garrus?" "I relinquish command of the Normandy back to Commander Shepard." He said with a nod to the spectre. "Logged. Welcome back Commander." "Thanks EDI, oh and Garrus," he turned to face the Turian. "I'll see you at 1900."

Shepard left Fire Control and made his way back to the lift, thankfully without applause this time and headed to the lift. The lift doors opened and he wasted no time, proceeding directly to the War Room, despite the pain building in his leg. Upon arriving at the QED communicator he activated the line for Hackett. He didn't have to wait long before he was greeted by the Admiral. "Shepard, we have a lot to talk about."

In the observation lounge a moderately drunk Quarian had decided to end her "research". She had discovered a lot about Humans, both about customs and some things she would have to try with her gallant commander once he was up to it. She chuckled to herself. Logic said it would be awhile before John was up for any real fun, but logic was currently suffering from a brandy induced haze. She slowly stood up from her spot on the sofa and wobbled towards the lift that would take her to the cabin she shared with her captain, a devious smile on her face, not that anyone could see it.

"Admiral, I don't understand. You're sending us to round up Cerberus lackeys?" Shepard shifted crossing his good arm across his chest. "Surely there are better uses for the Normandy than this?" "I understand your impatience Shepard, we all do." Hackett spoke, rubbing his brow. "We need someone fast and quiet, that's you. After you've mopped up any resistance RTB and we'll get the Normandy in for repair and refit, I know she took a beating dropping out of FTL after the explosion."

"But sir, we-" Shepard tried to speak before he was again cut off by the admiral. "I know you have objections, but it's not an option Commander. Get it done, and we'll get you back here ASAP. Hackett out." The channel closed leaving Shepard alone again. "Damn bureaucrats! I hate it when he does that." He checked the system status at the terminal before making his way to the door. Glancing at the clock and seeing it was already 1830 he decided to make his way back to the cabin. "EDI, tell Joker to set our course for the nearest mass relay, with all due speed. We're headed to the Attican Traverse." He was surprised to hear Joker's voice answer him. "You got it commander, and it's good to have you back."

Tali stepped into the cabin she called home, shattering the silence. "Keelah why, why is it so damn hot in here?" Her speech slurred from the brandy. "John? John? Where are you?" She stumbled over to the bed and somehow managed to flop down safely. "John you bosh'tet where are you?" She rolled over onto her back her head pleasantly buzzing from the brandy.

Shepard let out the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding as he stepped off of the lift and into the antechamber of deck 1. The familiar feeling of a thousand tons weighing him down was returning. His body hurt, his mind was weary, and he needed a rest. After this mission he would see to it that they all got a good amount of shore leave, it was the very least they all deserved.

Stepping forward the door hissed open. He began to step through when he was hit by something, something big. "JOHN!" It squealed loudly. "There you are!" He had been knocked off of his feet and was now lying flat on his back, the wind knocked out of him and in more than a little pain. "John, why are you being so quiet?" As his brain caught up to the situation it became clear that the freight train that had hit him was in fact Tali'Zorah… a very drunk Tali'Zorah.

Garrus stepped off of the lift onto deck one to find himself suddenly entertained. He found himself staring at an incapacitated Shepard held on the floor by Tali who was straddling him. He was apparently incapable of speaking at that particular moment as he was gasping for air, but the horrified look he shot Garrus said he _knew_ he was in deep now, very deep.


End file.
